It’s hard to do a “Best of” when Chinglish signs keep popping up every single day. So here, from David’s collection of thousands of these, are a few that remain extra-“special”…
Oh, and also, how they should’ve been translated correctly. Giggling uncontrollably at these is a temporary kneejerk reaction. A lasting smile, though, is when you use it the correct way…
“Erthing you need, nothing you don’t”. Nice and simple, this shop, found in the underground shopping complex right by People’s Square Metro station in Shanghai, seems to promise you the real deal — of course, in Chinglish. But it’s almost like “Erthing” seem to make some kind of sense, really.
Should Have Said: Everything you need, nothing you don’t.
“Anti-Earthquake Memorial” in Tangshan. Wow. Of course, the horrific Tangshan Earthquake of 1976 left behind a beyond-horrific toll, basically flattening the whole city. So a memorial, of course, seems in place. But on Planet Earth, it’s pretty difficult to be anti-earthquake.
Should Have Said: Tangshan Earthquake Memorial
“One small step for moving forword, one giant leap for civilization”. That’s if Neil Armstrong was ever put in charge of Chinglish-inspired signage for the millions and billions and trillions of urinals across China. It’s a poetic — but still pretty weird — way to tell me, well, “take aim!” when using the urinal!
Should Have Said: Move closer to the urinal. Please keep the toilet clean.
“No shitting everywhere” in Qinghai. Yes, it indeed is sometimes very surreal to see four-letter words used uncensored in public. The Chinese text also bans what some would call “pissing” (or urination, if we’re to use more genteel words). The sign, of course, has great impact, looking “great” on television, but I’m sure we could use a better sign.
Should Have Said: This is going to be hard to translate as-is — and I’m sure park admin won’t like advertising that Chinese people have a “toilet problem”. So I’m going to suggest Please keep the park clean — and just hint that defecating or urinating in front of a million visitors is a very bad idea.
“Restricted Lane for ASUWEILAJIYUNSHU” — say what!? This random motorway sign in northern Beijing actually is intended for local traffic with authorised access to the Asuwei (that’s a place name) Waste & Recycling Centre. Which, of course, you didn’t know — because, of course, Hanyu Pinyin isn’t exactly English! Also, the fact you are seeing a Trump-like ALL CAPS MESSAGE with no spacing (I’ve seen worse) for sure gives you very WTF moments.
Should Have Said: Restricted Lane — Asuwei Waste Transport Only
“Are you hungry Earthman”. Well, I’m sure there is a proper, more established way to refer to people and other, well, organism living on Planet Earth — Earthling seems to be more scientifically correct (and also more gender-inclusive). This being a space-themed restaurant, though, I’m sure the more vanilla “person” probably won’t quite cut it.
Should Have Said: Are you hungry, Earthling?
“VIRIDIPLANTAE has been drugged. Do not approach”. First off, this almost feels like a plant has decided to go totally high on drugs — not a good thing for humans or plants. Also, ALL-CAPS LATIN itself is quite a sight — but the linguistic mic drop here goes to the word “drugged”. I think I won’t approach anyone or any thing drugged — not from a couple of miles out, at least.
Should Have Said: Chemicals Applied to Vegetation – Please Keep Away
“Synthesized south station”. Hey, bring out the microphones, drum sets and synthesisers out — we’re making a Chinglish Anthem! Alternatively, this could be made to read that this place seems highly artificial (well, buildings always were artificial things). But for a multimodal transport hub, this indeed does appear head-scratching…
Should Have Said: South Railway Station Transport Hub
“Assembled Pasta”. As we speak, for sure Sweden isn’t on Beijing’s best books, but if Stockholm wanted to mend ties with Peking, I would assume — Noodle IKEA best be a good import? Or how can we explain what this Assembled Pasta thing is?… Turns out it’s a particular restaurant specialising in different forms of noodles — pasta — you get it. Just a name…
Should Have Said: Depends on what the owner would like to call it, but I might go for Noodle World or Pasta World, just to start things off…
“Meng is not driving the vehicle Abduction”. This epic classic from Hebei Highways about 15 years ago is a darling on flickr Chinglish from yours truly — and makes pretty much no sense at all (yet sends people exploding into peels of laughter all the time). It is because it makes no sense — a nonsensical mix of Pinyin, very poor translations, and capitalisation issues — that makes it a classic. And all they wanted to say was — if you’re driving, don’t swerve — like out of the blue…
Should Have Said: Never Swerve When Driving